24 October 2011

Random Musings of the Enceinte #0003: Ramblings of a Former Erstwhile Crazy Person

I feel like a crazy person, and this is not cool. You know why? Because I have worked very hard on not being a crazy person. I was a crazy person, and I thought that one of the perks of becoming a grown-up (a real one, like Suze Orman, or my friend Jeanette) was that I would no longer have to be a crazy person. I wouldn't have to get my feelings hurt over imagined slights: since I'm not crazy, I give people the benefit of the doubt and recognize that the world does not revolve around me.  I wouldn't have to review, and re-review, every bad decision of the last two decades because I know that we cannot change the past and I have learned to appreciate the present. Right?

Wrong. I am now a crazy person. And the worst part about this sort of crazy is that I can feel the crazy as separate from my normal thought processes. I am watching the emotions from...well, as much distance as you can get inside your own head, and I am saying to myself, Hmm, haven't felt that emotion in a long while. What is that? Insecurity? Geez. Wonder what's causing that, cuz nothing has happened to make me feel that way.

It's almost like I'm faking it, but I'm not because if I were faking it I could stop faking it. These feelings are chemical! They don't have a cause that needs to be addressed!

So. Now what?


  1. "These feelings are chemical!"

    Kind of flies in the face of the psychobabble truism that "feelings aren't facts," eh? Sometimes, feelings are chemical facts!

    My wife was a weeper-for-no-rational-reason those nine months. I called her Sybil, sensitive guy I was. Hang in there! (easy for me to say!)

  2. Just keep telling yourself--"it's not really me, it's chemical, it's not really me, it's chemical." And also, "This is normal and I'll be fine." Oh, and go buy yourself new pair of shoes.

  3. Oh, gawd, please do not let me become a weeper! Much rather be a psycho.